A sliver of my heart came back to me...

The cold breeze blew right at me as I was walking on the pavement of the train station, messing up my unkempt hazel brown hair. It was excruciatingly painful. I felt as if a thousand if not a million of needle like ice fragments pierced through my chest. I pulled up the zipper of my red and black checkered Converse jacket to warm myself. I brought my palms up to my face and blew hard at them before rubbing them at my cheeks. I was exhausted; I had just attended the most woefully beautiful wedding reception. Yours, that is. It’s ironic, how I was the first one to receive an invitation. At first, I tried convincing myself that it was some kind of sick joke that you were merely trying to pull my leg. However, no matter what I did or said to pacify myself, the truth remained the same. You were getting married and I’m not the groom-to-be.

To be honest, I was in two minds, fidgeting whether or not I should show up at your wedding. Part of me felt somewhat obliged to show my pathetic face to you. Simply because it was only natural for the ‘best friend’ to be there to cheer you on as your daddy handed you in the hands of the man who’s going to share his last name with you. On the other hand, as the guy who thought he was your lover whom in reality was a victim of unrequited love, I might actually clench my fist real hard and punch your “hubby’s” face with utmost pressure the moment he uttered the word ‘I do’. In the end, I came to a conclusion. I would come, drop my gift and disappear.

Here, I am now pulling off my Houdini like act. I had already bought a train ticket to get out of this place. Where to? That remains a mystery. I was running away….from you, from reality and hopefully from this pain. All I wanted to do now was to get onto the train into my reserved compartment and get a good forty winks. Upon reaching my $299 ‘box’, I stuffed my Nike backpack into the allocated space. Before, I sat down; I reached for my IPod in my jeans pocket, popped the earphones in my ears and hit the next button till it reached ‘August Serenade’. Somehow, I had a yearning to listen to it, probably because it me in my current situation. The song was about what would happen if you were gone….but you really were. I reduced the volume and closed my eyes, trying to get some sleep.

Just as I was about to drift into my not so illusory dreams, the loud slamming of the compartment door woke me up. Even so, I pretended to be fast asleep. I was reluctant to engage in any sort of ice-breaking conversations. Despite my futile attempt to stay quiet, I yelped out in pain as someone stepped on my right foot. I was purple with rage now. I jumped to my feet and reached for the culprits’ collar. However, instead of giving brat a piece of my mind with some verbal lashing, I released my forceful clutch.

It was you, in blue jeans and a white tank top. You were panting heavily, shivering and your hair was all messed up. “What are you doing here?!” I asked confused. You just gave me a smile and sunk your face in my chest.

32/35 directed writing ^^

A very good morning, I bid to Mr. Abdul Aziz our English teacher, my fellow friends and classmates. Here I am again, to present a talk on a topic that's so very common amongst us. You see, our dear English sir has given me the honour to enlighten you on how our Malaysian government hopes to encourage students to have a healthy lifestyle. I do hope that after my speech, you, my fellow friends do gain something beneficial and change for the better.

The effects of not practicing a healthy lifestyle are explicit. We technically become the 'home' for all sorts of diseases, from diabetes and obesity to heart attacks and high blood pressure. The saying 'you are what you eat' is very true. We students, spends half of our time at school. Some of us even rush to school with our bed hair without a bite to eat at home. Hence, we tend to 'compensate' the hunger with a larger portion of late breakfast at school. However, is that meal good for us? If is not, why so? Food quality perhaps?

Young sirs and madams,

Our magnificent government has taken notice of such scenarios as I've mentioned. They hope for the people's best, our best. The food sold at the school canteens are without a shred of doubt delicious. But, everything comes with a price. French fries, 'roti canai', burgers, fizzy drinks and other fast foods aren't healthy at the least. Yet we love them, there's no stopping us from getting what we want, right? Hence, the government has announced a few simple yet affective mechanisms to put a halt to the selling of these unhealthy delicacies. For instance, unhealthy food should not be allowed to be sold in school canteens and unhealthy drinks will be banned in school canteens. In line with that, even hawkers are not allowed to sell junk food and tidbits outside the school grounds. What do we eat then, baked beans? Be patient.

Now, with all the food with high contents of cholesterol and sugar gone, part of our problem is solved. It's a sad fact that schools these days are focusing on one thing only. Educational excellence. That isn't right. The government hopes for schools to organize programmes on exercise. Students should be encouraged to participate in active co-curriculum and aggressive sports. 'A healthy body homes a healthy mind'. Students should also be taught on healthy eating habits. It doesn't stop there. The school should work hand in hand with the Parents Teachers Association and work out a healthy diet menu for the students. Instead of selling 'nasi lemak', provide plain rice, steamed fish and vegetables. Take out Coca-cola, substitute them with low-fat yogurts. 'Roti canai' to the dust bin and welcome the Cheerios! It's a misconception that healthy food aren't a treat for your taste buds.

Boys and girls,

Did you know that the government is actually purple with rage at our parents? It's a known fact that contemporary parents are living a dog's life in this materialistic world. They can't even spend a modicum of their time with us. The government, ushers parents to monitor their children's weight. Make sure, they are at the pink of health. Take us to annual health check-ups and bi-annual visits to the dentist. 'Prevention is better than cure'.

That's all the hopes and wishes of our government to encourage us in leading a good lifestyle. But, I'm not finished. I want to blame someone. Myself. Come on guys, if we don't look after ourselves, who will? We are all young adults, we should read more. Magazines such as the 'Reader's Digest' and 'Biolife' constantly highlight issues on leading a healthy lifestyle. We're so absorbed into the internet. Why not one day, while you're updating your 'facebook' status, open up another tab and browse the web on a list of exercises maybe? Nothing is impossible! If you have the willpower you can do anything!

Before I step down, I wish for all of you to lead a healthy lifestyle. Do it right! Start now! On behalf of our government I bid 1 Malaysia: People First, Achievements Prioritized!

my dear whisperer....

I felt a sudden chill rush upwards from my toes. As I slowly opened my eyes a bright surge of white light shone into my eyes. My eyes felt a faint burning sensation. Quickly, I closed my already squinted eyes and pulled my thick comforter up over my head covering my face. I refused to get up and repeat my dog's life like mundane lifestyle. As I was settling back into my illusory dreams, someone yanked my soft comforter away from the end where it covered my legs. I could guess it was you who was culpable of it.

The faint aroma of freshly brewed coffee made it's way from the kitchen to our bedroom. Stimulating my olfactory nerves. I was somehow enchanted by it. Then, the right side of my bed slowly sunk in as you sat next to me bearing the scent of Shokubutsu shampoo. You held me by my neck gently, as if if you'd apply even a modicum more of pressure my neck would've snapped. As you moved closer and kissed my forehead, I ran my fingers through your wet hair entangling them at your curls. I opened my eyes, wanting to see you. You gave out a bright smile. So very alluring....I arched forward towards your lips. You had other plans, no? You foiled my futile attempt to steal a kiss and whispered something in my ear.

Arising a hint of frustration. I was curious. I held your wrist and stared into your blue eyes. Confused. Lost. Somewhat like a child who had lost his mother. You got up, messed up my coal black bed hair and gave me another smile. This time filled with mischievousness before leaving the room. I pushed myself up and sat at the edge of my bed, wondering what you might have said to me. I felt like an ignoramus fool. I laughed at myself. You could have even screamed at me and I wouldn't be able to tell. I'm hopelessly pathetic. I lost my hearing on account of an accident a couple of years ago.

I was devastated then, it felt as if the entire world was out of balance. I was afraid that I would drown due to my helplessness. To be exact, I was at the brink of insanity. It was then, when you conceived this 'thing' between us. Every morning you'd whisper something to me for me and I had to figure it out. I have to confess, at times you made me feel as if I could really hear. The first words you whispered to me are embedded into my memories. Even now tears well up at the corner of my eyes reminiscing about that day. Those were the words that crushed my self-centered egoistic pride. It dawned upon me then, I wasn't alone..... I had you

what's right and what's not?

Was fucking bored over the holidays, don't know what to blog about....this is just some random crap. Feel free to comment though =)

Is it normal for a person to kill another or for a man to rape a woman? Maybe. Situation and condition being the culpable factors. But, what about those maniacs who are serial killers and rapists. Monsters whom commit their egregious 'hobbies'? The answer is explicit. No. Now where does the burden of blame lie then? It's genetics, these people were born as monsters hence are they way they are. So it's only normal for society to have a strong sense of resentment towards this species of beings.

What about people with abnormal sexualities then? These individuals haven't done much atrocities...compared to psychopaths. However, they ain't normal and again genetics are the main causal agent. Whether it's right or wrong is a different question, is it of societies norm? No. Hence, without a shred of doubt there will be eyes that look down upon them, fingers pointed at them as if there's a target behind their back and whispers conceive about and around them.

"Humans are afraid of something which is different" is a quote from some movie. It's true. People are fragile. I was once an ignorant and fragile person whom was afraid of these abnormalities. My fear evolved into hate. As I grew older, I began realizing that these people didn't choose to become what they are. They were born that way. I would say they're 'crippled' hormone wise. Make no mistake, they aren't sick. They can't prescribe medication. Hence, are irremediable.

I often times witness first-hand people beleaguer the people of these kinds. It's burdens me to think that these innocent people are victims, chained down to verbal, mental and sometimes even physical abuse. A faint sense of guilt due to my helplessness often time arises. I'm no hero. I don't possess the bravery to do so either. All I can do is watch from afar, whispering to myself...,"I know what it feels like".

Can't you see what I can?

Some people are just ignorant. Maybe, I'm the one who's too observant. I have an outlandish hobby. Observing. I like looking at things, sceneries, people and other stuff. I'm not trying to be judgmental or anything. I just like thinking about other things in a new or different perspective. Often times I spot things which are very beautiful and I'm generous enough to point it out to my friends. But it surprises me that they don't see things the way I do. For instance, the blush-like shade the sky gives off at the crack of dawn, the glowing crescent accompanied by a thousand if not a million stars and the glowing sun. Well, i guess beauty really is in the eye if the beholder.

While I'm at it, many people has asked why my name on fb is Kiiro Taiyou. Well, I love the sun and the color yellow. Kiiro means yellow and Taiyou means sun in Japanese. so there you go =)

My innocent tongue...

Thursdays and Fridays are officially my revered day. Simply because I get to see you. Yet again last Friday, I managed to conceive and string in another bead with you imprinted onto it in my chain of memories.

I'm simply turn into a six year old when your around. Thinking like one. Acting like one...gosh. Well as usual after CAE, I rushed out to line up in front of room no. 4, right behind the counter. JACKPOT!! You were there in your red t-shirt and beige shorts. The best part was no one was at the back of you. My legs were so fast to you, I pulled on a cool face. I smiled ear to ear. I saw my goofy classmate at the far front, so close to the door almost kissing it. I called out to him on purpose and engaged a conversation. Then, his girlfriend joined us. I cracked a joke with them for you, indirectly though. You understood. I presume. You smiled over the edge. I kept fidgeting, while doing so, spotted an old friend that happen to attend the similar secondary school as you. I offered for her to stand in line next to me.

You see, the tuition I go to, at the far left of the counter there are a few tables. There were stacks of books and a whole lot of tidbits. I was standing next to a table with loads of food. There was a small tupperware with some nuts in them. " That's the nuts you liked in the barli soup the other day!" Shien Shin called out to me. Honestly, those nuts were heavenly. I went on saying mischievously ,"oh...should I take one?". Instantly, one of my friends dared for me to take one. I was in two minds, whether to do it or not. I mean, if I got caught, I would me in so much trouble. On the other hand, you were right in front of me, I can't possibly chicken out.

After throwing much tantrum, I mustered the courage to take of the lid and throw one of the nuts into my mouth. I pushed the nut into the space between my teeth at my right jaw and gave it a crush. "WAIT!! IT'S BITTER!!", Shien shin pointed out to me. It was too late, the juice from the seed already spread onto my innocent tongue. God it killed me! It was disgusting. Worse than any medicine I've been prescribed to. My act of bravado to impress you was foiled, instead I amused you.

However, it wasn't a waste. You laughed. That alone was enough to cure me.

unrequited.

I'm starting to realize what a fool I've been. I can't blame anyone for the chimera I seem to be. It's stupid isn't it? A few days ago I felt something different, like I left something behind. I paid no heed though, convinced myself that it was my brain malfunctioning due to exam stress. It only dawned upon me when I was checking the inbox of my broken black N70. There it was, your sole message that I've kept for about a month now. You haven't crossed my mind in a while. I knew it was a momentary 'thing'. Not thinking of you or whining about you. But it wasn't.

You didn't reply, I didn't care. You passed by, I felt nothing. You spoke, I didn't waver. You weren't my kryptonite no more.

I did graduate from you, but went on with someone else......loving you was painful, I don't think I've ever fallen so hard for anyone. I promise to bury these feelings within me. Now on, you're nothing more than just a friend.